Thursday, November 16, 2006

Bus to Crazy Town

So, I thought this post might go a little something like this....

Hello, readers.

This evening, I putzed around enough in the office to miss the 5:08 train, meaning I had to wait for the 5:18 train. This should have put me at the Grand bus stop a little bit before the 5:30 bus arrived. However, the bus driver on the 5:30 bus apparently decided to not wait for us poor suckers.

I might have caught the bus if my run up the stairs hadn't been impeded by two guys drinking 40s. I lost valuable seconds pushing my way past them.

In any case, I wanted to be like the people who, stepping off the elevator to see the bus just gone, swore up a blue streak. Instead, I did it in my head.

So, I waited and waited for the next bus. Here is where my post takes an unexpected turn (as I had already composed a post about hating bus drivers who don't wait for train riders).

Boarding the bus took FOREVER. Luckily, there were a few seats left at the front of the bus. I hesitated to sit down because the two guys who I would be sandwiched between looked a bit sketchy. But when the bus driver yelled, PLEASE MOVE TO THE BACK OF THE BUS. I HAVE OTHER RIDERS BOARDING, PEOPLE, I decided to avoid the uncharted back of the bus territory because you can never really tell if there's an available seat.

So I sat down.

And, of course, one guy (who, in his defense, wasn't as sketchy looking as the other, this guy was almost grandfatherly) says, "My, you have really pretty eyes. Are you a student." No. "Oh....where do you work." I have a hard time being mean, so I say, in administration at Wash U. "Oh, you don't look old enough to be an administrator." I'm not a top-level administrator. "Oh."

Then the super-awkward part starts.

"That girl over there is selling candy for $1.00. You should buy something."

I hate buying candy from strangers, even if it's probably for a good cause. So I say, Oh, maybe, if I have a $1.00. The guy could sense my reluctance, so he said, "If you have 50 cents, I'll match it."

So I get out my wallet - I only had $5s. But luckily, the guy "owns a restaurant, so I have a lot of $1s."

The guy changes my money for me, and when the bus pauses, I get up to give the girl a $1 for some peanut M&Ms.

While completing the transaction, the bus lurched. Now, this might seem impossible to some, but I can actually mantain my balance on a lurching bus in my 3-inch heeled boots. At least, it seemed impossible to the 2 sketch-os because they both REACHED OUT AND GRABBED MY JACKET AND POSSIBLY MY ASS.

THANK YOU. That was A BIG HELP.

Also, GET YOUR DAMN DIRTY HANDS OFF OF MY NEW JACKET. NOW.

But what are you going to do. Both sketchies were like, wow, that was really close. The dirtier one saying, "See, I had you near your center of gravity. I'm not fresh or anything."

Grandfather guy deboarded shortly thereafter, but not before he asked my name (I gave my middle name as my last name because I'm not that stupid).

Meanwhile, dirty started talking to himself. Or maybe to me. Hard to tell. Something about going to pick up his clean clothes and identification.

Anyway, dirty somehow started talking to a woman across the aisle. He told her his plan....something about HUNTING PIRATE TREASURE.

The woman made fun of him for the rest of the time.

But here's the great conclusion....as I was leaving the bus, dirty said, THAT'S A GREAT SWEATER WITH YOUR THUMBS STICKING OUT.

He was talking about my Fetching mitts.

So, there you go folks, Fetching mitts have universal appeal. Fellow knitters, co-workers, crazies on the bus.

3 comments:

getin mymouthstuff said...

Sometimes, when I ride the bus, I'm the last one to have someone take the vacant seat next to me. I always wonder--am I off putting? A percieved bus crazy? Do I wear a constant scowl (this is probably a resounding yes)? Recently, I had someone sit next to me who "helped" to complete my crossword.

Sometimes, though, I think that I just don't have enough unstructured interactions with strangers to even know what's weird on the bus and what's normal awkwardness.

Except the dirty and strangie seem gross.

miss you.

cj

Anonymous said...

Hunting pirate treasure, eh? Sounds like he was looking for Booty! And he sure grabbed yours!

-bd

p.s. moving to Chicago Wednesday for good. However, job is not on busline or el or metra so I will drive. But I don't have to take the interstate!

djeh_b said...

Do you have a link to the fetching mitts pattern? I've been unsuccessful in finding it on Knitty.